", "Many Americans are going to be upset over the prospect of falling from that top spot, but that's the reality we face," Farrar continued. The Onion is an American satirical digital media company and newspaper organization that publishes articles on international, national, and local news. •. The Onion explains China’s growth. "A country like Iran is obviously a pretty big dick, but ultimately it lacks the resources to be a truly world-class asshole," Farran said. New reports also indicate that China will grow stronger yet. NEW YORK—According to all sources, the People's Republic of China is strong. Experts all agreed that there can be no question of this claim, as this claim is the truth. "Same goes for Pakistan. WASHINGTON—According to a new report released Monday by a panel of top economists and social scientists, the People's Republic of China will overtake the United States as the world's dominant asshole by the year 2020. China's ascension to supreme asshole status is occurring at a much faster pace than experts originally predicted. The Onion brings you all of the latest news, stories, photos, videos and more from America's finest news source. The Onion began publishing online in the spring of 1996. SEE MORE: China. Similarly correct sources verified that China has always been triumphant. 鱼. According to the report, China has slowly emerged as a massive fucker over the past half century, a period of egotistical growth unseen since America's booming douche years following World War II. The nation is united, the military unmatched, the economy vibrant, and the people ever joyful. China News Vol 54 Issue 46. Investigative reporter Gavin Fisher investigates the world of Chinese counterfeit goods by donning a long robe and a black wig. ", Added Freireich, "It's the dawning of a new huge bastard era.". "Don't forget that Great Britain was the world's dominant asshole for well over three centuries, and look at it now: a pussy-whipped shell of the insufferable, bullying jackass it used to be.". But the list of abominable shit-heel countries competing for global prick dominance is a long one, and the U.S. is just going to have to get used to seeing countries like Russia and India mentioned in the same breath as itself. Prominent scholars claim that America's gradual fall from the upper echelon of international supershits is merely part of an inevitable pattern seen time and again throughout world history. The findings, published in the most recent issue of Foreign Affairs, support recent speculation that America's unquestioned reign as the leading super-prick may soon be drawing to a close, leaving China as the foremost shithead among all developed nations. Over that same time, China has seen a dramatic rise in both its GDP and Shithead Index, definite signs that the Asian nation is developing into a cocksucker of global proportions. NEW YORK—According to all sources, the People's Republic of China is strong. In fact, many now believe that by as early as 2015 Chinese citizens will arrogantly strut across the globe disrespecting other cultures and shouting loudly while dressed in XXL "Speak Chinese or Go Home" T-shirts. How do you build the world’s second-largest economy? The findings, published in the most recent issue of Foreign Affairs, support recent speculation that America's unquestioned reign as the leading super-prick may soon be drawing to a close, leaving China … ". "We are seeing a changing of the asshole guard," said Andrew Freireich, noted economist and lead author of the article. The nation is united, the military unmatched, the economy vibrant, and the people ever joyful. The company is based in Chicago but originated as a weekly print publication on August 29, 1988 in Madison, Wisconsin. 11/15/18 4:10PM. China revels in a UN report that found it has the highest smog levels in the world, a sure sign of China's progress and prosperity. China Introduces New One-Uighur Policy. China, as one Twitter user wrote Tuesday, has been fooled by the “mysterious Western art of satire.” The merciless comedy website The Onion has … The Onion "Although the U.S. will remain among the world's two or three biggest cocks through much of this century, we can now confidently project that China, with its soaring economic growth, ever-expanding cultural influence, and total disregard for basic human rights, will overtake America as King Prick Numero Uno within the next 10 years. "Not many Americans want to admit it, but as the yuan continues to get stronger, and millions upon millions are exploited as a result, more and more people worldwide will be looking to China, not America, and saying, 'Man, can you believe what an unbelievable sack of shit that country is?'". In other news, the Chinese government is fair, all-knowing, and wise, propelled by the strength of two billion loyal hands, all pulling together as one under the Great Celestial Bureaucracy high above. Advertisement. "All of the great asshole nations eventually watch their day in the sun slip away," historian Richard Merriam told reporters. “This new policy is an important step in keeping the Uighur population down to a number we … WASHINGTON—According to a new report released Monday by a panel of top economists and social scientists, the People's Republic of China will overtake the United States as the world's dominant asshole by the year 2020. "Hopefully, the United States will find a way to grow and adjust to its evolving role on the world stage without acting like a complete and utter fuckhead about it. BEIJING—In an effort to reduce the risk of overpopulation within the Muslim ethnic group, Chinese President Xi Jinping announced the decision Thursday to implement a new one-Uighur policy. Others have posited that China's ascension may be part of a larger reorganization of the global asshole hegemony that could see the United States losing even more ground in the century to come. "When you consider China's wanton pollution, rising militarism, and rampant overdevelopment, it's clear they'll soon be thoroughly out-dicking the U.S. in every measurable area," international affairs specialist Neil Farren said. As of press time, the brute and inexpressive English language could not convey the full magnificence of China, nor its excellence in every arena, nor the protective warmth of the red sun that shines forever on its borders, nor the innumerable glories of its Great Leaders.